fatherbrownfandomcom-20200213-history
The Mayor and the Magician/transcript
Although the council may have its political differences, I know that we are united in our contrition... Conviction. ..that in order to tackle the issues laid out in the... Beverage sounds a bit pompous. Can't I just say drink? You could, if you weren't talking about the economist William Beveridge and the report which inspired the welfare state. So what do you think? Do I look the part? It looked better on Mummy. Have you finished your chores? Found this under your bed. Silly me. I've been looking everywhere for that. You only ever wear pearls. It's a leaving present. For Matilda. She handed in her notice last week. You never said. Why would I? It's got nothing to do with you. She's been working for you for six years. And hands in her notice right after taking a fortnight's holiday. What was it doing under our bed? Must have fallen out of my pocket. Why isn't it in a box? Will you stop asking questions? No, no, not south-facing, the goldfish will overheat. Well, don't just stand there. Have you forgotten the mayor will be gracing us with his presence in less than an hour? How can we forget when you remind us every five minute? I hope that humbug in your mouth is not one you've counted already. What do you take me for? What have we got here? Faworki. Polish pastry. We call it angel hair. Tentacles of Leviathan, more like. You see, that's what you get when you support exotic causes, Father. Polish primary school, indeed! Father, do you know this mayor? No, but his wife's quite charming. Does a lot for charity. Oh. Exceptionally clever woman. When he will start building school? We're only at the fundraising stage. But the men from his office measured the whole camp. So? How many? How many humbugs in the jar? Morning, Matilda. Mr Mayor. You're fired, by the way. As of tomorrow. Why she couldn't just dress up as a princess like other girls her age. You know I can't award you first prize. I have to give it to an orphan, or some other unfortunate. Will you make enquiries? How was your holiday? Yes, good, thank you, yes. Margate. Lovely. Aren't you going to open it? A token of my appreciation for all your hard work. I don't think she likes it. I can't say I blame her. It's very cheap and tacky. Really? And again? Very beautiful dress, Lady Felicia. Oh, would you mind? Very expensive. Thank you so much. Your estate borders the Polish camp, doesn't it? Quite possibly. Our estate's rather sprawling. Why do you ask? Father. Ah. Edwin, isn't it? That's a waste of money. There'll be no school. So what time's the mayor arriving? Will he be giving a speech? May I remind you, today is a family day, not a political rally. Father, we should be at the gates by now. The mayor will be here any minute. Oh, and I thought you might like to present this to his lady wife. I made it myself. Quite exquisite. Even if the apostrophe's in the wrong place. What do you mean, there'll be no school? Ask the mayor. I don't know why you bother with make-up. You can't improve on perfection. Don't even think about coming to me for a reference. What? Lord knows, you'll never be pretty, Kathleen, but if you smile from time to time, you might look less like the spawn of Satan. Your father's very stressed at the moment. He doesn't know what he's saying. He doesn't... Look at that! Do you mind? Certainly, Father. It's not a real rabbit. Can you saw people in half? Only little girls. For goodness' sake! What on earth did you say to that poor girl? Nothing. It was the magician. Father, how much Pimm's have you had? Come along, Father, they'll be here by now! Father Brown! Now, don't forget, it's imperative we make a good impression. Eleanor, good morning. Father Brown. Pleased to meet you. Mr Mayor, on behalf of the parish of St Mary, may I say how delighted we are that you've chosen this special occasion to deliver your inaugural mayoral speech. And, of course, we are extremely grateful for your help in our fundraising. Remind me, what are the proceeds going towards? The primary school... in a Polish resettlement camp. I'm sure you're familiar with the community. Not really, no. No? No, well, why would you be? Kathleen, darling, come and meet the vicar. Priest. No matter. Still in one piece. I don't believe in God. I do apologise. She's a spirited little madam. Takes after her mother. An independent thinker with a questioning mind - qualities I value highly. In a man, perhaps. Rather unbecoming in a lady, however. Oh. Well, follow me, please. Matilda, haven't seen you in Mass, lately. Are you feeling...? Better, yes. Thank you. Really go for it. Roll up, roll up! Goldfish, win your goldfish. Fetch some help. Please! Oh! OK, but it'll cost you. You do know, most women would kill to be in your shoes. You must be terribly proud. I hope he gets everything he deserves. An award-winning strawberry scone? I don't mind if I do. If you permit the observation, you don't seem quite yourself today, Eleanor. I haven't been myself for quite some time. But trust me, all that's about to change. Father, Father! Magic man take funny turn. I leave him in ambulance tent but someone need to look. Magic man? Oh, a magician. Did you book a magician? Oh, whoever it is, I'll see to them. Now, be sure and tell the mayor everything is ready for his speech. Father Brown. Inspector. You might want to keep a close eye on your coffers. I'm afraid we've had reports of a pickpocket on the loose. I've asked around. The boy dressed as a robot recently lost his mother to polio. Will you stop gabbling? I cannot bear the sound of your voice. Looking forward to your father's big moment? My mother's, more like. She's the one who should be mayor. It's not fair. Matilda was in the Wrens before she became a secretary. Why can't married women have careers? Kathleen, if you ever need a friend... I don't. But if you did, my door is always open. Ahem. Good morning. Sit up straight, darling. Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. Firstly, may I say what a great pleasure it is to be here on such a pleasurable occasion. And on behalf of... Kathleen? ..collectively, may I thank Mr Brown and his team of church...people... ..without which, today would have been implausible. My English is better than his, no? With your hope, we help to build a school for primary children in Poland, a project which I feel, personally, extremely heartfelt about. Hypocrite! Mr Mayor, I have it on good authority that you're conspiring with our local MP to profit from the sale of a prime piece of property in Kembleford. I know this man. He courted my Polish friend. Isn't it true that you recently purchased a large area of agricultural land through a private company registered in your wife's maiden name? I don't know what he's talking about. And isn't it a coincidence that the same area of land has been earmarked by central government to build a new coal-fired power station, information detailed in a confidential memo circulated within the Ministry of Fuel and Power, which our local MP leaked to you? Ladies and gentlemen, please don't listen to this imbecile. It goes without saying that such a development would exponentially increase the value of the land in question. Presumably, you and Mr Carlisle plan to divide the spoils between you? Where could they possibly build a power station in Kembleford? I am talking, of course, about the Polish resettlement camp! It's just sour grapes because I was elected instead of him! It's hardly surprising. Who wants a mayor who grew up on a pig farm? Only pigs want pigs to represent them! I've heard enough. You, sir! Are you a pig, sir? Oink, oink! Why don't you ask him why he withdrew from the elections, eh? Don't buy a pig in a poke. He's the one with the dirty secret. He's the one peddling porky pies. If you really want the truth, I'll give you the truth! Ego te absolvo ab omnibus censuris, et peccatis... We saw everyone leaving. What's happened? Is he dead? I'm terribly sorry. Is it true, what he say? Is government planning to throw us out from our homes? Susie, please. A man is dead. A husband and a father. Now is not the time. Mummy? I'm thirsty. Are you thirsty? Let's get something to drink. William. He looks so peaceful. Please accept my condolences. I'll inform the relevant authorities. He's very young to have had a heart attack. He had a heart condition. That's why he didn't serve in the war. Do you think it was the shock of that man's accusations? Father? Mrs McCarthy? Can I help you with...? Bridget. My name is Bridget. I don't understand why she act crazy. She not the one making homeless! What happens to land when he dead? If wife don't sell, maybe... No. I'm afraid it doesn't quite work like that. If the government want to build on the land, all they need do is issue a compulsory purchase order. Father, I'm worried about Mrs McCarthy. She's not herself. Probably just shock. Strong cup of tea, plenty of sugar. It's not the first time she's seen a dead body. Usually, she's planning the wake while he's still warm. How long's she been like this? Since she see magic man in the ambulance tent. A stranger in town and not much of a magician, by all accounts. Why are you really here? May I have a word? I have a few questions for this gentleman, myself, first. Summer fete? The great and the good in their Sunday best? Then the mayor has a heart attack and everyone's distracted. Rich pickings, isn't that right? Father Brown! I'm a bit busy at the moment. Go on. Get out of here. And a very good day to you, Sergeant. Inspector. It's the public address system. I know exactly what it is, Inspector. The mayor had a burn mark on his hand and then there was that strange crackling noise. What, you think he was electrocuted? Suppose the system could be faulty. It's been tampered with. The back's been unscrewed. Fresh solder. This has been connected to the mains. Father? I think you better come, quickly. I don't know what's come over her. Hardly the behaviour of a grieving widow. Or a guilty conscience. Mrs Mayor, I wonder if there's somewhere we could have a quiet word? I suddenly feel a little sick. You were married to the man Do you not feel anything at all? Matilda, is there someone who could look after Kathleen for a while? I don't want that slut anywhere near my daughter. Fine. She's not MY child. Mummy, why does a policeman want to talk to you? I'm sure it's nothing serious. If you could just come with me, please. I want to stay with my mum! My bag. I'll be back before you know it, darling. Hay fever. Makes me terribly hungry. I just met the magician. We really should get some new chairs. These are riddled with woodworm. I thought your husband died in the trenches. When he didn't come home, he was presumed missing in action. Mrs McCarthy, can I just...? This is nothing to do with you! Would you please just leave me alone? Mrs Mayor, how would you describe your relationship with your husband? Susie has arranged for neighbours to look after Kathleen until you get home. Thank you. Mrs Mayor? Would you like to hear my husband's favourite joke? I'd prefer it if you just answered... Please. A young boy and his father go out for a drive one day. There's an accident, the car goes off a cliff. The boy's rushed to hospital where the surgeon almost collapses from shock, says, "That's my son on the operating table." That's not funny. It doesn't even make sense. The surgeon is a woman. Your husband felt threatened by you? With good reason. Intellectually. I got him elected. We met at school. He was tongue-tied, awkward, he struggled academically. I thought he was sweet, so I coached him through his exams, through university. I wrote all his speeches. I thought, together, we might make a difference. And then you found out he was having an affair. Where did you find this? With his secretary. So you wanted to punish him? It opened my eyes. He didn't care about me. He didn't care about Kathleen. All that was ever going to matter to him was lining his own pockets and putting us back in our place. And while I was foolish enough to throw my life away, Kathleen still has a bright future ahead of her. Just as long as we were free of him. I see. Eleanor Knight, I'm arresting you on suspicion of murder. Murder? You're not obliged to say anything unless you wish to do so. Whatever you do say will be put in writing and may be given in evidence. I was planning to leave him, not to kill him! I'm afraid I've taken a terrible liberty. I know you said you didn't care, but one mustn't let fear stand in the way of happiness. Bridget Maguire, a chuisle mo chroi. I'm going home now. It has been a dreadful day. All I want is a chance to explain. Let me call on you this afternoon. And then will you leave me alone? I'll never bother you again, if that's what you want. Three o'clock? Your ladyship. Is that really necessary? It's for your own protection while I call for a car to take her back to the station. I didn't do it. You have to believe me! Did you leak the details about the power station to Edwin Bloom? I thought if his corruption was exposed then we would have an excuse to leave with our heads held high. Why? Do you think it was him? Just before he died, the mayor said he had a secret. Do you know what he was talking about? No. Do you know where I might find Bloom now? We arranged to meet at three o'clock this afternoon. Where? He was going to introduce me to a journalist. He wrote the address down on a card. It's in my bag. It's not mine. The murderer must have planted it. Nice try, but I've heard it all before. What if they're after the whole family? Kathleen? I can take it from here, Father. Could Bloom have planted it in your bag when he gave you the card? I said, I can take it from here. Hey, hey! I just wanted to thank you for believing in me. Oh. I realise it must have gone against all your instincts, as a friend. My instincts? I know, I hurt her terribly, but I was young and foolish. Didn't know which side my bread was buttered on. You understand that, I can tell. Fine filly like you, bet you've known your fair share of married men. I write letter to House of Parliament. Then they have to take notice, yes? "Dear sir, Mr Winston Churchill." Edwin Bloom. You said your friend was courting him. Yes. Do you happen to know why he withdrew his candidacy for mayor? I think he get found out for criminal record. A criminal record? For what? How do you spell petition? P, E, T, I, T, I, O, N. Criminal record for what? Yibby, jibby, GB...something. Do you know what it stand for? I was just passing. The Earl gives me so many, they've been cluttering up the house for weeks. I thought someone ought to get some pleasure out of them. Was there something in particular you came to see me about? I just wanted to check you were all right, that's all. Quite all right, thank you. And to say sorry. For interfering when I shouldn't have. Please don't settle for anything less than you deserve. You've changed your tune. I just don't want to see you get hurt, that's all. And since when have you given a flying fig about my feelings? We both know you think I'm a foolish old woman with ideas above my station. Well, now, hang on! And, of course, I think you're a stuck-up madam with too much time on your hands, so we'll leave it at that, shall we? I'll show myself out. Usual, please, Norma. You've heard the good news then? I'm not going to pretend to like the man just because he's dead. Do you play? From time to time. Might I ask where you went between leaving the fete and meeting Eleanor this morning? Straight-talking man, Father. I don't appreciate playing games. What's this all about? The mayor was murdered. And you think I'm responsible? What do you take me for? I'm a founding member of the Peace Pledge Union. And yet you have a conviction for GBH. If you must know, I punched a Nazi sympathiser after he insulted my lady friend. You might be interested to learn, it subsequently emerged that the man in question was paid for provoking me and pressing charges, by the mayor. Must have made you very angry. Of course it made me angry. Mr Bloom, where did you go after leaving the fete? It's none of your business. It is my business if someone innocent hangs for a crime they didn't commit. I went to the phone box to call a journalist friend of mine to arrange a meeting with Eleanor. He'll be here shortly. You can ask him yourself if you don't believe me. Or Kathleen. Kathleen? The mayor's daughter. I saw her hiding from the inspector outside the church. Thank goodness you're still here. I need to speak with Kathleen. I'm afraid that could be difficult. Why? What's happened? Your neighbour's just reported her missing. What? She left a note saying she was going to see a friend and hasn't been seen since. A friend? What friend? She doesn't have any friends! I'm sure there's a perfectly innocent explanation. Mrs Knight, calm down! There's a killer on the loose, my daughter is in danger. Why won't anyone believe me? I never meant to hurt you. But you did. If I could go back... And you can't. So if that's all you have to say, Frank, I think it's best that you... Absolutely not. We danced to this on our bunnymoon. Oh, Francis. Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It's been three months since my last confession. I've done something terrible. It's never too late to seek forgiveness. Even if...? Even if what? I killed my father. I've changed, Bridget. Tell me it's not too late. Oh, Francis! So much for having changed. Aye, and I can clearly see you're still a nag. But I'm prepared to overlook that. Why are you here? Why now? Francis! What are you not telling me? Francis? Cirrhosis of the liver. I'm dying, Bridget. And she'd always make sure the house was neat and tidy when he got back from work. It wasn't enough, nothing was ever enough. Hmm. How, might I ask, exactly, did you kill your father? I prayed he would die. Hmm. Well, wishing him dead isn't exactly the same as actually killing him. Why were you hiding from the police this morning? You're the pickpocket? So I'd have enough money to get away. Doesn't look like I'll need to anymore. Will I go to prison? I don't think we need to involve the police at this point. I'll see the contents are returned to their rightful owners. Where did you get that? Matilda's hair-curler. I pinched it from her bag when she went to call an ambulance. I don't know if it's worth much. May I see it? Probably hoping to impress my dad. I think she was actually in love with him. Earlier, you said that Matilda had served in the Wrens. Do you know what she did in the Navy? Something to do with submarines and building engine wires, maybe. She was an electrician. You can ask her yourself if you're quick. I saw her packing her car on my way here. Said she was going on holiday. Again. Father? Father Brown! Blast it. Yours, I believe. Used to solder the mains supply to the microphone jack before you electrocuted the mayor. I don't know what you're talking about. Did he break it off? After Eleanor found out about your affair? Is that why you planted the screwdriver in her bag? If you don't mind, I've got a train to catch. She'll be hung! And Kathleen will be an orphan. Get out of my way! Get out of my way! So, how long? A year, if I'm lucky. I always told you you'd drink yourself to death. You told me a lot of things. And it serves you right... ..running off with that floozy. I'm not proud of myself. But I wasn't the same man that came back from the Front. The things I'd seen. Well, I didn't want to talk about them but you, you... asked too many questions. Cared a bit too much. So I found comfort in the arms of someone who didn't care much at all. And where is she now? Fled to the hills as soon as the going got tough. Didn't want to play nurse. And you think I do? You're a good woman. Try hard not to show it, but... ..I know you still love me. Maybe this is our time. Maybe it's supposed to be like this. You and me. We need each other. We're both lonely. I mean, what kind of life is this for you? Parish secretary? Ha! Oh, come on, you must be bored out of your mind. And who've you got for company? An infantile priest and a hoity-toity ice-queen? If you are talking about Lady Felicia, I'll have you know, she is compassionate and cultured and witty and intelligent! And a far better companion than you could ever hope to be! And... Now, I think I'd like you to leave. You don't mean that. Goodbye, Frank. I knew what we were doing was wrong, but I'm not like Eleanor. When I walk into a room, I don't turn heads. I know I was weak, but... He made you feel special. For a while. Until I fell pregnant. I realised then, he was never going to leave her. That it was all a lie. And the baby? He told me to get rid of it. Gave me the address of a backstreet butcher. Saint Matilda. My mother gave me this on my confirmation. I remember reaching for it just before I lost consciousness. When I couldn't find it, I knew something dreadful was going to happen. Saint Matilda's the patron saint of large families. Now, I'm never going to have children. I have nothing left to lose. I'm so sorry. No-one would have found out if your secretary hadn't walked in before I could put the screws back. And Eleanor? When I saw her bag unattended by the stall, the way she just carried on as if nothing had happened, when my whole world was falling apart! But now I'm going straight to Hell, I'll be stuck with him for ever. God forgives all those who repent. Mr Knight never had a chance. But you do. No, it's too late. For William, perhaps. But not for Eleanor. You can save her from the scaffold. You can give her and Kathleen their lives back, if you tell the police the truth. Will you tell the truth, Matilda? Mummy! I could have done that. You too old. Give me the boxes when finish unpacking. We go live in them. Ah! You're both here! Marvellous. I leave you to it. Not in a mood for party. I've just come back from the town hall. So? In order for the power station to go ahead, the government need access to the river and railway. Unfortunately for them, there's another stretch of land between the Polish camp and the station, which they don't own. So who does the land belong to? Me. And, having spoken to my husband, who has Polish family, I can confirm, we won't be selling at any price. And what's more, given his high-profile connections in Westminster, no-one would dare put any pressure on him to do otherwise. Oh! Mind my dress. We go drink at camp? Well, perhaps a small glass. Will Mrs McCarthy join us? Ah. I'm not sure Mrs McCarthy has much cause to celebrate. Oh, Father. Whatever it is, can it wait until tomorrow? Not without eating. If you're talking about my strawberry scones, I think you've had your fair share already today. I was thinking more about plankton. Or worms. I thought, perhaps, he could do with some company. And if I remember correctly, your kitchen faces north. So it does. Category:Transcripts Category:Season 1